wrigley field is MILF paradise
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
