insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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