i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
