shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
whose parrot is this?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
