Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
