I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
