i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
