i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
