Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Randomize
