I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
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As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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