my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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