If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
