It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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