May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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