worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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