I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
this will be a night to untag.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
