In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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