What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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