I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
