gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
