Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

(440): View more from Ohio

My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.

Fav 14 4651 751
share tweet
(619): View more from California

Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night

(323): View more from California

How mad was your dog?

Fav 12 4551 1158
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(210): View more from Texas

she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice

Fav 13 981 3708
share tweet
(630): View more from Illinois

you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.

Fav 18 5979 1045
share tweet
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
Read it at the TFLN blog
(970): View more from Colorado

Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"

Fav 13 4537 2117
share tweet
(315): View more from New York

I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"

Fav 9 1731 4209
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(602): View more from Arizona

It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass

Fav 10 3034 1411
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(715): View more from Wisconsin

Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup

Fav 3 1877 1091
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(321): View more from Florida Space Coast

Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.

Fav 1 12 60
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT