If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.