Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.