i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
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she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
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Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.