I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop