Texts From Last Night

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  (406): View more from Montana

  That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.

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  (406): That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays. http://tfl.nu/wjf7
  Replies (25) Good night (4815) Bad night (861)
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  (718): View more from New York

  you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.

  (917): View more from New York City

  i told you we never speak of that again

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  (718): you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something. (917): i told you we never speak of that again http://tfl.nu/ijex
  Replies (14) Good night (1098) Bad night (4327)
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  (810): View more from Michigan

  maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.

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  (810): maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me. http://tfl.nu/khu4
  Replies (18) Good night (924) Bad night (2161)
• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.

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  (530): I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me. http://tfl.nu/jc9x
  Replies (29) Good night (4257) Bad night (1062)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me

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  (970): Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me http://tfl.nu/7cqx
  Replies (5) Good night (2372) Bad night (590)
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist

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  (336): I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist http://tfl.nu/uq4m
  Replies (2) Good night (1457) Bad night (624)
• Favorite

  (386): View more from Florida

  I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.

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  (386): I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone. http://tfl.nu/mucl
  Replies (13) Good night (1269) Bad night (523)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night

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  (440): no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night http://tfl.nu/ig4q
  Replies (1) Good night (517) Bad night (696)
• Favorite

  (858): View more from California

  I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.

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  (858): I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police. http://tfl.nu/cytj
  Replies (6) Good night (990) Bad night (478)
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.

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  (202): Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home. http://tfl.nu/5j3k
  Replies (4) Good night (668) Bad night (366)
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.

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  (513): Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth. http://tfl.nu/s6hy
  Replies (5) Good night (1706) Bad night (299)
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.

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  (405): I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot. http://tfl.nu/dd00
  Replies (2) Good night (640) Bad night (215)
• Favorite

  (209): View more from California

  you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet

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  (209): you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet http://tfl.nu/19zl
  Replies (6) Good night (290) Bad night (384)
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.

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  (717): Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much. http://tfl.nu/y3yp
  Replies (3) Good night (675) Bad night (231)
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.

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  (585): I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits. http://tfl.nu/c0pb
  Replies (8) Good night (368) Bad night (657)

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