Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
