You were right. It hurts to walk today.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
