You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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