ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
