I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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