I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
