Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
