Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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