Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
