I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
