We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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