I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
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I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
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GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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