I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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