Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
