I feel like I'm in dance class right now
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
