We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
