my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
