The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
