Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Randomize
