At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
