just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
