She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
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