An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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