My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
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he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
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I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
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