Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Randomize