Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
