1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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