u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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