he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
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