The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
