The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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