I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
