i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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