By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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