I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Randomize
