oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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