well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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