Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Randomize
