i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
