My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
