The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize