what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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