better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
