you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Randomize
