"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
