I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
