Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
