So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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