I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
