I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
