This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
