if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
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