his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
