Betty ford says i'm here all night
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
