dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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