we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
