Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
