We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
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On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
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So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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