Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
