I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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