i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
time to smoke my breakfast
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
