lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
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But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
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In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
whose parrot is this?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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