he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
