Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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